For once I will not be ranting about Microsoft. Today it's about Adobe.

Let me start by stating a simple fact. It should be easier to install software you pay $350 for than to pirate it. It takes less than an hour to search for, download and install a pirated version of any Adobe software packing. Installation of a version you've paid for should be even simpler. The fact that it has taken me almost 5 hours to install the latest version of Adobe Creative Suite CS2 is an insult. I feel the same anger anytime i put in a DVD i just paid $20 for and which then forces me to watch over two minutes of FBI warnings and anti-piracy commercials (you know the ones... they're done in Mtv style grunge graphics and start with "You wouldn't steal a car, would you?") before i can get to the DVD menu. It's rather ironic that the first thing people do when they pirate DVDs is rip out those bits and make ALL opening garbage like that skippable.

Anyway... Friday I received two new software upgrades... Adobe Creative Suite CS2 and Macromedia Studio 8. Here are my experiences with installing each.

Adobe Creative Suite CS2

I currently have CS1 installed, and the new version is an upgrade version. It should easily detect that I have CS installed and install CS2 over it.

Attempt 1: Begin installation. Enter my serial number. Software informs me that I do not have CS or Photoshop installed. In the background I boot up Photoshop... the installation program still informs me that I do not have Photoshop installed, even though I'm currently using it.

Attempt 2: I point the installation program to c:\program files\adobe\photoshop cs... it still refuses to acknowledge that such a program exists.

Attempt 3: The program asks me for my original disks for Photoshop and to insert said disk into my CD drive. I slide the Photoshop disk from Adobe Creative Suite CS into my drive. It informs me that it cannot find such a disk.

Attempts 4-8: I go through all of our CDs... I try Photoshop 7.0, another copy of Photoshop 7.0, Photoshop 6.0, Photoshop 5.5 and, just for laughs, Microsoft Office. It refuses to acknowledge that any of these disks are, in fact, Photoshop. Frustrated, I leave for the day.

Attempt 9 (tuesday): I try steps 1-3 again, to no avail. It then tells me to call customer support and points me towards a website where I can find the phone number. I go to this website and call the number. The number is disconnected. It tells me to call a different number.

Attempt 10: I call the new number. I receive a recorded message... "Due to the popularity of the recently released Adobe Acrobat 8.0, we are experiencing unusually high call volume. Please call again later."

Attempt 11: Frustrated, I begin searching the web for answers. I discover the following... the CS2 installer refuses to verify CDs put into a DVD/CD drive. This fact would be useful if I had ANYTHING other than a DVD/CD drive. This installer was written this year... there is no reason why it should see a DVD drive as some new-fangled high tech device.

Attempt 12: I download a Virtual CD Emulator and make a virtual drive containing Photoshop 7.0. The installer still refuses to acknowledge that Photoshop 7.0 is, in fact, Photoshop 7.0.

Attempt 13: I try the phone number again. I finally get through. The nice lady takes my name, phone #, serial numbers, etc. She tells me that what I have is a Photoshop to Creative Suite2 upgrade, not a Creative Suite to Creative Suite2 upgrade. I tell her that I have a giant pile of Photoshop and Creative Suite disks sitting next to me, so I should have all my bases covered. She tells me all I need is an unlocking number and she will transfer me to lady #2 who will give it to me.

Attempt 14: Lady #2 answers and wants my name, phone #, and serial numbers. I tell her I've already done all that... she wants it again. She then tries to tell me that what I need is a Photoshop 8.0 serial number, not a Photoshop CS serial number. I inform her that CS and 8.0 are the same thing. She disagrees. After poking around on her computer for a while, she concedes the point (remember... this is an Adobe employee I'm talking to). I end up starting from scratch with lady #2, and eventually end up at the same point. Just as she's about to give me the unlocking code... CS2 starts installing. I'm not entirely sure why. My best guess is that after just sitting at the install screen for 30 minutes it either a) finally got around to checking the virtual drive or b) decided it had grown tired of mocking me.

Attempt 15: The program installed fine. great! now all i have to do is update it with all the latest patches. The updating software starts... and then informs me that it needs to reboot. I reboot. The first thing to come on the screen is the message "Adobe Updater needs to reboot your machine." I reboot. "Abobe Updater needs to reboot your machine." I power down and then restart. The same message appears.

Attempt 16: After googling for a while, I find a mention of this error. It tells me to delete some obscure XML file in my application data directory. I do this. It asks me to reboot. I do. When it comes up, I no longer see the 'reboot' message. I start the updater. It downloads 70 megs of updates. Then crashes.

Attempt 17: I reboot. I run it again. It downloads the same 70 megs again and beings installing them. After an hour, it's done.

Attempts 1-17: Total time -- 4.5 hours.

Macromedia Studio 8

Attempt 1: All programs install fine. All programs run fine. It never even asks me for a serial number. Total time -- 15 minutes.

So, in a perfect world, Adobe would learn something from their newly acquired business partner and stop punishing their customers... but in all likelyhood what will happen is that Adobe/Macromedia Studio Upgrade 9 will take 9 hours to install or, just to save time, the disk will just explode when you put it in your drive. I can't wait.